Your First Weeks as a New Parent: A Practical Guide

Most of what new parents read is about the baby: feeding, diapers, sleep. This guide is about you. The first weeks with a newborn are a time of big love and big exhaustion, often in the same hour. Taking care of yourself is not selfish. A parent who is fed, rested enough and supported is better able to care for a baby. Here are practical ways to get through those early weeks.

Get the home ready before the baby arrives

A little setup in advance saves energy later, when every spare minute counts.

• Set up a few care stations. Keep diapers, wipes, a change of clothes and burp cloths in the places you will actually use them, such as the bedroom and the living room, so you are not walking across the house at 3 a.m.
• Make a safe sleep space for the baby in your room (more on that below).
• Stock the kitchen. Freeze a few meals, and fill the pantry with foods you can eat one-handed.
• Handle the chores you can ahead of time. Set up grocery delivery or pickup, pay bills that will come due, and put a reminder list on the fridge.
• Install the car seat and learn how to use it before the trip home from the hospital.
• Write down key numbers where everyone can see them: your pediatrician's office, your OB or midwife, and Poison Control (1-800-222-1222).

Accept help, and be specific about it

Friends and family often say "Let me know if you need anything." Take them up on it, and give them a real job. People are usually glad to have one.

• Bring a meal or drop off groceries
• Do a load of laundry or wash the dishes
• Walk the dog or take an older child to the park
• Hold the baby while you shower or nap

It is also fine to limit visitors. You do not have to host anyone. Ask guests to keep visits short, wash their hands, and stay home if they are sick.

Share the nights

Newborns wake often around the clock, and no one can cover every night feeding alone for weeks. If you have a partner, make a plan together. Some families split the night into shifts so each adult gets one longer stretch of sleep. If you are breastfeeding, your partner can take over burping, diaper changes and settling the baby back down after feeds. If you are using bottles, including pumped milk, your partner can take a full feeding. A single parent might ask a relative or friend to stay over for a few nights.

Talk about the plan during the day, when you are both rested. Middle-of-the-night negotiations rarely go well.

Sleep when you can

You have heard "sleep when the baby sleeps." It is not always possible, but try for at least one nap a day. Let the dishes wait. Silence your phone. Even lying down with your eyes closed helps. If you feel too drowsy to safely hold the baby, put the baby down on their back in their own sleep space before you rest. Never fall asleep with a baby on a couch or armchair.

Feed yourself, too

It is easy to forget to eat when you are caring for a newborn. Keep water and snacks near the spot where you feed the baby, since many parents feel very thirsty while nursing. Easy options include yogurt, cheese, fruit, nuts, granola bars and sandwiches. If you are breastfeeding, you need extra fluids and calories. Keep taking a prenatal vitamin if your OB recommended it.

Your recovery after birth

Whether you had a vaginal birth or a cesarean, your body needs time to heal. Follow your OB's or midwife's instructions about rest, lifting, driving, exercise and pain relief, and keep your postpartum appointments. Bleeding, soreness and fatigue are expected for a while. Call your OB right away, or call 911 for severe symptoms, if you have heavy bleeding, fever, chest pain, trouble breathing, a severe headache, changes in your vision, or pain, redness or swelling in one leg.

Baby blues, postpartum depression and anxiety

Many new mothers have the "baby blues" in the first couple of weeks: crying spells, mood swings, feeling overwhelmed or irritable. These feelings usually ease on their own within about two weeks.

Postpartum depression and anxiety are different. They are more intense, last longer, and can start any time in the first year. Signs include:

• Feeling sad, empty or hopeless most of the day
• Constant worry, racing thoughts or panic
• Losing interest in things you used to enjoy
• Trouble sleeping even when the baby sleeps, or sleeping far more than usual
• Feeling disconnected from your baby, or guilty and worthless
• Thoughts of harming yourself or your baby

These conditions are common and treatable, and having them does not mean you are a bad parent. Partners, including fathers and adoptive parents, can also become depressed or anxious after a baby arrives. If you notice any of these signs in yourself or your partner, reach out. Talk with your OB, your own doctor, or your pediatrician, who can help you find care. MedlinePlus has more on postpartum depression.

If you are having thoughts of harming yourself or your baby, get help now. Call or text 988, the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, any time, or call 911.

Your baby's early checkups

Your baby will usually see the pediatrician within a few days of leaving the hospital. This first visit checks weight, feeding and jaundice. After that, visits come often in the first months, typically around 1 month and 2 months and then every couple of months. Your pediatrician may ask for a quicker recheck if there are concerns about weight gain or jaundice. These visits are a good time to ask your own questions too, including how you are coping. Many pediatricians screen parents for postpartum depression at these visits.

Safe sleep in brief

• Place your baby on their back for every sleep.
• Use a firm, flat crib or bassinet with only a fitted sheet.
• Keep pillows, blankets, bumpers and toys out of the sleep space.
• Share a room, not a bed, ideally for at least the first 6 months.
• Keep the home smoke-free.

The AAP's safe sleep guide on HealthyChildren.org explains the details.

Know who to call

When you are tired, it is hard to think about where to turn. Sort it out now:

• Questions about the baby: your pediatrician's office. Ask how to reach someone after hours.
• Questions about your own body or mood: your OB, midwife or primary care doctor.
• Feeding help: ask your pediatrician or hospital about a lactation consultant.
• Medicine or chemical swallowed: Poison Control, 1-800-222-1222.
• Emergencies: 911.

When to call us

Call your A thru Z Pediatrics office if your baby under 3 months has a temperature of 100.4°F or higher, is feeding poorly, has fewer wet diapers than expected, looks more yellow, or seems unusually sleepy or hard to wake. Call us too if you are struggling and do not know where to start. We can help point you toward support.

Call 911 or go to the nearest ER if your baby has trouble breathing, turns blue or gray, has a seizure, or will not wake up, or if you or your partner may be in danger.

To schedule your newborn's first checkup or a follow-up, you can request a visit online.